Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
