This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
