Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
