Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
