Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you inspire me to be a worse person
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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