How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
