Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
and you fell through a lawn chair
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
