I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
