Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
