seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's never too late to be topless.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
