dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
