He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
