So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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