You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
