I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
