I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
