Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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