I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
