I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
