Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
