so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
