My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
