i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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