my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
