She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize