and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
