ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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