Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
