Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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