I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
