i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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