It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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