I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
