totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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