I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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