best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
