Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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