She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
