nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
