yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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