:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
