capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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