Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
