When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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