There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize