i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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