Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
