Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
