Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
