let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
