I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
