Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
