if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
