I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
