Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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