He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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