Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
