All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
