He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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