I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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