I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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