I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
