woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
