Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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