Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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