When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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