good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
