She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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