Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
