So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
