Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my moral compass just broke
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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