I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
