it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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