Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
