Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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