so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
